thick wet lines

     It's hard to describe how I feel.  I just finished the thick, wet lines of this piece.  Something about this painting has put me in an intense, mostly unidentifiable mood.  This is a skull so I'm guessing fear is in there.  Probably some of the standard fear of the future associated with skulls and skeletons but that's definitely not all.  There's something angry and brooding about this as well.  Something that drains me and outrages me at the thought of it stealing my energy.  Still, I'm fascinated by it.  I can't stop thinking about it.  How it makes me feel.  I find myself frowning, like my whole skull and brain area is tensing up.  My head feels warm.  No, my brain feels warm.  I feel like I need to cry but I'm not sure why.  I feel violent.  I'm sick and tired of work.  I'm bored at work.  I only have one or two days a week during a normal week when I have the time and feel rested enough to pursue my artwork.  Not sure where I'm going with this.

     Last night the wife and I enjoyed a bunch of sushi and wine.  Afterwards we had desert, mixed drinks and enjoyed a very good vampire movie.  Today we went out to eat, got caught in a downpour, drove to get ice cream and soda in said downpour and came home.  After a brief scare of our air conditioner temporarily not working due to the storm, I made myself a jumbo margarita and completed another fuzzy skeletonian for October.  When we got hungry again, we nommed the hell out of a pre-made rotisserie chicken.  After dinner and coffee I came back here to my room and completed this painting.  Now I'm sitting here, listening to the Blade Runner soundtrack trying to sort out my feelings.  Maybe I'm wrestling with some sort of moody, artistic conundrum or maybe I'm just a tad hung over and disappointed that the weekend is winding to a close.  I think the painting is dry now.  Better get it scanned and start getting ready for bed.  Have a good week.

what me worry?

     This was drawn immediately in between fire hair and blood drool and I just skipped over it.  Given my recent history, the very fact that it made me hesitate or feel uncomfortable must mean that this is a self-portrait.  I think that's what this whole nose bleed style is turning into; definite self-examination and/or exploration.  Look at those eyes.  What am I so worried about?

frantic skully

     I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I might have been expressing a little anxiety with this composition.  Seems appropriate to follow a depression post with anxiety.

     I've mentioned before that I don't really fear or worry about death so much.  The big thing I do worry about is suffering.  Of course, that's where it all seems to fall down for me.  Death only comes around once, suffering surrounds us everyday.  One could conclude I have a very unwise approach to life in this regard and that would be a very valid judgment if you valued longevity above all else.  I've always placed value on quality over quantity.  I'd much rather have my peace of mind today than a long future ahead of me.  So much suffering is endured for the sake of a future that we have no guarantee that we will ever experience.  Of course, one cannot truly know pleasure without having first suffered pain but you don't need to seek out suffering, it will find you all by itself.