blood flood and a commission

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)       This is the flip side of this guy and you might even say it could be the remains of one of his victims.  Not sure, really.  I just know there's a lot of violence to be had in my artwork.  To be honest, my first thought about this bloody mess was that it was the remains of somebody who'd been eaten by some great beast or monster and this is what it spat out when it was done.  You can't eat the bones but they sure do add flavor, don't they?

     In other news, I've received a request for a commission and I've decided to go through with it to see how it feels.  Wish me luck!

relaxing, giving up and geysers of blood

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)


     I've been concentrating on relaxing lately.  Getting back to my old habits of tuning out, wasting time and just resting.  Before this blog, before getting back into my art.  Just a nihilistic defeatism without hope, without dreams, without pain (or as close as I could get to it).  I would often play the game of thinking about being homeless.  Wondering what it would be like to not have a job, not have bills to pay, not have any "social responsibilities" or whatever you call them.  Just existing as a non-entity, a virtual zombie as it were.

     As a teenager, during my first of two senior years in high school I would often skip school to go down to the local creek and lay out on this big flat rock in the middle of the stream and just close my eyes and listen to the water flowing around me.  I miss that rock, that sound, that simplicity.  The freedom to just let everything fall apart.  Nowadays, I still hear water but I'm in a row boat with a slow leak.  If I stop rowing, if I stop bailing things get out of hand pretty quickly.  I still have the impulse to just chuck it all though.

     Perhaps that's what this abstract monster of blood geysers is all about.  Just a little wish fulfillment or a graphic imagining of the violence and destruction that would result in my life if I just gave the fuck up.

chaotic mess and artistic funk

     I came across this and paused, then I looked a little harder.  I'm guessing this chaotic mess reflects my emotional state of late.  Anger, frustration, artistic funk, lack of motivation.  'Course, part of this is due to work starting to crank up the overtime again but I won't bore you with the details.  I would, however, like to apologize for not making my normal blogging rounds lately.

     Although I'm identifying more with this in the present I think this was actually completed back in October or thereabouts.  This shares a sandwich background with emergence and is the flip side of paleBleak just to give you a bit of creation trivia.  Well, it's getting late and I need to get my butt to bed.  Thanks for stopping by, you guys are the best.

allies amidst the bleakness

     The background on this one turned out much more pale and bleak than most of my other Red Eye paintings.  Bleakness seems to be in the air lately.  It's almost as if everyone unconsciously believes the world will end this year.  I hope it does.  Humanity could use a big death and rebirth right about now.  A casting away of old habits, a blowing off of steam and a time to relax and get reacquainted with our true selves.  Just one big time-out to rest and reflect.

     Anyway, musings on humanity aside, the more I look at this painting the more I think it's a self-portrait.  I identify and sympathize with this guy's general state of emotion.  I can't put my finger on it exactly, but I'm right there with him.  I'm his comrade and ally.

feathery anger

     This guy really stopped me today when I was trying to figure out what I was going to post next.  His eyes ended up being pretty dramatic.  That combined with the overall fuzzy/feathery look seemed like a bit of a departure from what I normally end up creating with a black marker.  In fact, this almost crossed the line from fuzzy to feathery skeletonian.  I think that was mainly due to the fact I was using my india ink brush pens.  They have much less friction with the paper than a Sharpie and I end up with softer lines.

     In other news, I found myself getting into a shouting match with a co-worker last week.  I won't bore you with the details but I guess I should have seen something like this coming.  The source material for my new header image was created before the incident and should've served as a warning to me to watch my temper but I figured it was all a part of my artistic expression of late and I thought nothing of it.  What a way to start the year : P  Oh well, live and learn I guess.

emergence

     This is actually the flip side of stalactite rain.  I've often been using both sides of my paper lately to make the most of my materials and maximizing opportunities to practice technique.  Anyway, this guy seems to be emerging from some sort of bloody or fiery vortex.  The original is noticeably darker and bloodier, it makes me wonder where I'm going with my artwork.  Do I want to do it for art's sake?  Do I want to do it for myself only?  Do I want to make money at this?  It's quite an issue to wrestle with.  Hopefully, I'll emerge from this murk with some clarity soon.

sharing the fear

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)

(klik)
     Here's something I've been meaning to show you all for a while and one of the reasons I am so into painting right now.  Just look at that dark, murky blackness!  The first time I laid down some thick wet lines like this it really got to me but now it's something that I've grown to love.  There's just something so mesmerizing about the light reflecting off the wet paint and the fact that all it would take would be just one false move, one sneeze, one over-excited cat jumping up on my table and all of this beautiful liquid fragility would be completely ruined.  Of course, all of this gets lost once it dries and that's why I finally decided to take a quick snap shot for the sharing and stuff...

     No, I'm not just stalling because I'm afraid of starting on the head and potentially fucking this whole thing up, so don't even go there!  I'm sharing with you the beauty of creation and you should be grateful for this glimpse into my process...  You know what?  I don't CARE what you think!  I"M SHARING DAMMIT!!1!

blood bursting crazy

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)

(clicka)
     I've been feeling stressed lately.  Stressed and a little crazy.  October was an amazing month.  Not only did I have three day weekends all month, not only did I complete my Octoberween-Palooza-Ganza without a hitch but I also got inspired to paint a buncha shit.  I got spoiled during October.  Got a taste of what it's like to have plenty of free time and energy for my artistic pursuits.  Furthermore, my brain has switched over.  I'm an artist now, not a fucking factory worker.  I'm getting really pissed off at having to work, having to put up with all those assholes.  The only thing that keeps me on a fairly even keel is the fact that suffering makes for good artistic content.  Okay, okay, enough venting.

     Not sure what this was supposed to be.  A flexing arm with a bulging bicep or some disembodied genitalia.  Either way, it's bursting and releasing pressure, which is nice to see.  The crazy has got to get out one way or another.

robust face

     Here's some pencil from my 30's.  This is from the same sketchbook as tribal mask and defending angel.  As you may recall, tribal mask marked an artistic rebirth for me of sorts and I think that momentum continued to grow with what you see above.  The thick neck, robust features and fierce eyes I think shows my confidence increasing as I worked my way back from complete artistic inactivity.

red eye and the tao of painting

     This one is a personal favorite.  It is one of the first Red Eye pieces I completed last month (although his red eyes are a tad muted in color compared to most).  The little bird-like thing up on the branch was a total accident.  I guess it's more accurate to say that it wasn't consciously planned.  I often find (despite my deliberate lack of planning) I already know what I'm going to create even before I know it, if that makes any sense.  I mean, seriously, his eyes even seem to look upward, curiously, at the bird but I certainly don't recall any clear thoughts about making that happen while I was painting.  I guess it's true what they say, "I do not do it.  It is not done.  It merely happens through me."

blood puke

     Here I go with the puking again.  Not sure what it represents, aside from the fact that society and human behavior DOES make me pretty damned nauseous most of the time.  Or maybe this is what happens after you've nommed on this guy's juicy little brain for a while.

     I did have a little technical trouble getting the two halves of this to go together properly.  That obvious line about mid-eyeball is pretty noticeable but I think works as sort of a line of sight thing.  Like, "Oh Jesus Christ!  That guy just fell off the building and splattered on the pavement!  I think I'm gonna....  HUUUAAARRRRGGG!!!"

sandwich painting and bloody skulls

     I can't tell you how much fun I've had with this technique!  It all begins with something like this, where I lay down some thick wet lines and let it dry completely.  Next, I slather on a buncho paint on another blank sheet of watercolor paper.  Then, BLAMO, I put the dry on top of the wet and apply pressure.  With these two, I applied A LOT of pressure, squeezing as much of the excess paint out from between them as I could.  I made a big mess but it was TOTALLY worth it!  Not to mention pretty damn exciting as well : D

     You know, in a lot of ways I like being a mostly untrained artist.  I mean, discovering things like this on my own makes it all the more special to me.  Enjoy!

human ugliness

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)


     I know, I know.  Here I go again with the cocks but this ended up being more than just an immature, self-indulgent cock painting.  I mean, sure, it STARTED that way but (as you can see) it ended up being pretty dang artsy fartsy, especially for me.  The colors really came together pretty well, if I do say so myself.  The blood vessel look came from simply sandwiching a liberal amount of paint between two sheets of watercolor paper and applying some smoothing pressure with a heavy metal ruler I had laying around.  It's a really fast, fun technique to use and (depending on the colors you use) the texture ends up looking like blood, leather, vegetation, etc.

     As for content, I think this turned out pretty obscene.  I'm definitely no stranger to obscenity in my art but there's something about the vivid red from the acrylic just makes me cringe a little, like I just witnessed, well...  a rape.  Or a murder.  Or both.  Yeah, a little nauseous maybe.  Heh, maybe I shoulda saved this for the OPG.  The best horror always includes more than a little real, human ugliness in it.

smudges and greed

     Here's more of my dry erase fuckery.  This was drawn before wavy brain, before I cleaned the board.  You can see the all the smidgy smudges of my fingers.  I also accidentally bumped the board with my cock thumb and smudged the hair a bit when I was positioning this to be photographed.  And I didn't even bother fixing the smudge.

     Yeah, that about sums up my attitude of late.  I'm just like, "Fuck it, whatever...  I'm tired."  The heat, the overtime.  I feel like introducing myself to people:  "Hello, I'm Jack and I'm a dull boy."  At the same time, I also feel like I'm just being precious.  Just upset that I don't have more free time.   I feel greedy.  I mean, I have time to do my crazy little artworks and blog about them on a regular basis so why am I upset that I don't have EVEN MORE TIME?  Greed.  Self-indulgent greed.

for the cock lovers

(ADULT CONTENT BELOW)


     Behold my swinging organ!  It swings!  It wiggles!  It bounces with each steppy step!  Don't get too close or it'll hit you in the eye!  I figure it's about damn time I posted some COCK for the cock lovers out there.  I've been letting the heat and the overtime get to me and I've been lax in my artistic responsibilities as a creator of gratuitous, hastily drawn, PORN.

     This was drawn in the classic Sharpie craze style that I've so diligently bored you with in the past.  There's something about a Sharpie that I'm so completely comfortable with.  I think part of its appeal is that it's got just the right amount of friction as it moves across the page.  Also, the fumes.  Sharpie fumes can't be fairly described as pleasant but they're a smell I've grown used to.  Sort of an acquired taste.  While drawing, this all comes together in a peculiar way for me.  The fumes, the friction, the slight headache from said fumes.  It's like I'm huffing the fumes, metaphorically jerking off and drawing all at the same time.  It's not a healthy relationship but that's part of what makes it great.  Maybe someday I'll get to the point where I'm actually jerkin' it while I'm drawing but who knows.  I've drank for three nights in a row now.  Can you tell?

     Anyway, enjoy the cock.  The cock loves you and wants your adorations.

thick wet lines

     It's hard to describe how I feel.  I just finished the thick, wet lines of this piece.  Something about this painting has put me in an intense, mostly unidentifiable mood.  This is a skull so I'm guessing fear is in there.  Probably some of the standard fear of the future associated with skulls and skeletons but that's definitely not all.  There's something angry and brooding about this as well.  Something that drains me and outrages me at the thought of it stealing my energy.  Still, I'm fascinated by it.  I can't stop thinking about it.  How it makes me feel.  I find myself frowning, like my whole skull and brain area is tensing up.  My head feels warm.  No, my brain feels warm.  I feel like I need to cry but I'm not sure why.  I feel violent.  I'm sick and tired of work.  I'm bored at work.  I only have one or two days a week during a normal week when I have the time and feel rested enough to pursue my artwork.  Not sure where I'm going with this.

     Last night the wife and I enjoyed a bunch of sushi and wine.  Afterwards we had desert, mixed drinks and enjoyed a very good vampire movie.  Today we went out to eat, got caught in a downpour, drove to get ice cream and soda in said downpour and came home.  After a brief scare of our air conditioner temporarily not working due to the storm, I made myself a jumbo margarita and completed another fuzzy skeletonian for October.  When we got hungry again, we nommed the hell out of a pre-made rotisserie chicken.  After dinner and coffee I came back here to my room and completed this painting.  Now I'm sitting here, listening to the Blade Runner soundtrack trying to sort out my feelings.  Maybe I'm wrestling with some sort of moody, artistic conundrum or maybe I'm just a tad hung over and disappointed that the weekend is winding to a close.  I think the painting is dry now.  Better get it scanned and start getting ready for bed.  Have a good week.

wavy brain and a depressing revelation

     Here's my latest dry erase crap.  I refer to this with disdain and hostility because I completed this drawing and then hung the dry erase board back on the wall were I keep it.  The overtly cheery and uplifting feel of this drawing started to get to me.  Usually, I draw something in my sketchbook and don't have to look at it right away.  When I come back to it later something has changed and I see it differently and it's more palatable.  With Mr. Wavy Brain here I was forced to process it immediately.  That, combined with having a pretty crappy week, made for a crushing blow to my psyche yesterday.  Once photographed, I didn't feel much remorse after I erased it.

     As for the style and content, this is classic nose bleed, a definite "back to basics" of this new style, as it is similar to the very first drawing from this style/series.  I had just cleaned my dry erase board and it was all white and shiny and I could see a blurry reflection of myself in it as I started on this.  I even had the conscious thought that this would be a self-portrait.  Once finished, I realized what a state I was in and, as days passed, it became a more and more vivid revelation.  In some ways it surprised me.  I mean, I've had a noticeable amount of depression in me since I was a child.  I've dealt with feelings of depression all my adult life so why did this particular image bother me so much?  I guess it was the immediacy of it all.  But you know, I've heard it said that if everything is under control you're not going fast enough.  As I get older I start to appreciate that opinion more and more.

     Finally, to lighten my mood (and hopefully yours), I made another of my goofy animated .gifs.  While processing this in Irfanview, I hit the horizontal flip and noticed what you see to the left.  When flipped left and right, he seems to do a kind of bizarre, fuzzy fan dance of sorts!  Suddenly, this vision of exhaustion and depression turns into more of a scene of drunken, pathetic, playfulness.  Admittedly, not MUCH of an improvement but an improvement nonetheless.

     Wow, you bothered to read this far?  Good for you and thanks for taking an interest!

fuzzy skeletonians and the greater whole

     Just wanted to share what I've been doing lately with my fuzzy skellies.  Here's a quick work in progress .gif I threw together of the fuzzy fella I completed last night.  One of the many I plan to have ready for my OPG in the fall.

     This whole idea was born out of a combination of seeing what ROUBLE RUST often does on her art blog and the desire to share with you what I see when I'm creating these guys (or any of my creations for that matter).  It's just lines on paper and some watercolor paint, of course.  All these steps are what I see when I look at the finished product.  When my works are freshly completed what you're seeing above is what often keeps me from seeing the greater whole.  I get the individual parts stuck in my head and it takes time for them to finally combine in my mind, allowing me to finally see what I've ultimately created.

     Anyway, just thought this little glimpse into my process and methodology might be interesting.

soulless technique and blame

     Here's some crap from early college.  Mainly concentrating on technique more than content, although it seems I was partial to black lines on white paper form an early age.  I remember being very proud of this at the time.  I even made a couple more versions with different colors and textures and matted them all nicely on some black card stock with the careful use of spray adhesive.  My narcissistic young self admired these works and thought them fit for framing at the time.

     But now...  Now, I kinda hate them.  I look at the above image and what I see is all the excitement and raw content of the Sharpie craze and nose bleed trapped inside a kind of soulless technique.  I know I was young and still learning but I can't help but hate this.  I fucking hate it.  Those straight lines and unimaginative use of still life objects.  Sure the contour lines on the leaves are nicely done but there's absolutely no self-discovery going on here at all.  Funny...  this isn't the first time I've been way too hard on myself for crimes committed in college.  I know now that I needed help and encouragement at the time but I still have trouble fighting the impulse to blame myself.

logo man and the pain of college

     Recently got the courage up to go through the two old beat up portfolios of crap I saved from college.  Mostly messy charcoal drawings and the like.  No two ways about it, college was messy.  Amidst the flimsy, torn charcoal drawings I came across this little bit of brush work from one of my classes.  We were working with an India ink wash or some shit an this was one of my little doodles.  If you don't know already "Vincent Stemkin" is my pseudonym and what you see above are my real initials.  Dang, just look at that shit.  So young and positive and fullo ambition.  Egotistical dreams of greatness...

     Man, this is difficult.  I'll stop here and let my ambitious little logo sit and gel, hopefully finding a place for itself in the latest chapter of my artistic life.